We were trying to manage his illness at home but despite receiving O2 at home his level kept dropping. Was in low 80s when I gave in to taking him to hospital. He was a pastor and a hospice chaplain for BJC in St. Louis, refused the Covid shot so was forced to take PCR tests every week. One of the tests came up positive and he did develop a bronchitis type cough. Our functional med Dr put him on Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, budesonide inhaler which he could not tolerate, steroid…basically the good protocol. He kept getting worse (after he died I found his medicine bottles were too full and he was not taking his meds correctly. I think his low oxygen made him unable to think clearly. Also, the doctors were still trying to decide the best dosages of the protocol to help). Once he was admitted I was forbidden to see him.

When I was finally granted 2days and one night to be with him I realized he was too weak to feed himself so I had to cut his meat and feed it to him. I don’t know if any staff was helping him to eat. I also sneaked him Ivermectin while I was there but he was too out of it to give it to himself after I left. They started out giving him oxygen by mask, he began to deteriorate/unable to breath so they then tried bipap and within a couple days he did a FaceTime call with me telling me they would be placing him on a ventilator “to give his lungs a rest”. He told me he would be home in 2 weeks. He then called our son sounding very different…he told him to raise his boys well and that he loved them…or something like that indicating that he probably new he would die there. I still was forbidden to be with my dying husband bc my PCR test had come back positive; had to wait the required 10 days after positive test or whatever they were saying at the time.

I felt so helpless, angry, victimized. I finally was able to be with him. One of the nurses said something to me about “horse paste” when I asked if they could give him Ivermectin. I stood in the hall debating his hospitalist on the merits of trying Ivermectin since everything they were doing was not helping and he was going to die if we kept going that direction…I even asked him if I could give it to him since he didn’t believe in it. That’s when he told me “we practice evidence based medicine at this hospital.” I told him “well, the evidence shows that your protocol kills people.” Our functional medicine Dr spoke on the phone with this Dr. Our Dr said the hospitalist hung up on him. As I watched Ron develop blood clots in his legs, go on a dialysis machine for renal failure, get a chest tube for a blown lung, given paralytic drugs to keep him from trying to “fight the ventilator” my sons and I concluded that he had endured enough suffering so we elected to remove the ventilator…he passed away within minutes of doing that.

We had just become legal guardians in August for our granddaughter. I could not continue this task alone so she had to receive another guardian for her welfare. Also, Ron and I had only lived in Crystal City for a short time and planned to retire there…so much was left unsaid and unfinished. At the time of his death I believed the hospital’s withholding treatments that have been proven to save lives killed my husband BUT I keep learning about more that could have led to his death…like giving drugs that make breathing worse (I don’t know if he received those) maybe the ventilator and its effects killed him, isolation from his family and more. I also wonder how much suffering he endured and could not communicate because they paralyzed him while on that ventilator.

Much of this experience haunts me…I will probably never understand it all. I will try to do whatever I can to help others who have gone through a similar experience and if there is anything I can do to help justice to be served to the hospitals and staff who administered these death protocols all across the world I will do my best to see that happen as well. Thank you all for this opportunity to share my story and for the good work you are doing.